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Russisches Schwein


© НОМ, 2003
© Solyd records, 2003

  • компактный диск SLR 0345
    (2003, SoLyd Records)

Recorded by N. Gusev, A. Kagadeev, I.N. Tourist at STUDIO 36 in St. Petersburg in March 2003.

Sound engineer O. Kukin.

Cover design by M.W. Art.

Front picture by N. Kopeikin.

Photos by G.Maiofis


Ladies and gentlemen, dames und herren! My name is Youriy. I am is Russian. Tonight I offer at your precious attention new compact discs. As all of you know such quality goods in european shops cost at least zwanzigsch euro! But since I work directly from the CD factory and right from this morning we start a great advertising company, this compact disc will cost for you just tri tausend hungarishe forint! I can be stopped, asked any questions, you can look at compact laser discs and if you like - purchase them. Thank you very much!

* * *

The Fly.

Once appeared in the house
Not a mouse, not a louse
But a big black fly!
What a big damned fly!

And it started its grimaces,
Scratching, wriggling, making faces.
What a big black fly!
Such a big damned fly!


Poked disgusting nose and pried
Everywhere, there, here
Mucked the pages of "The Gadfly",
Soaked the wings into the beer.

Had a walk behind the cupboard
Lied on food which wasn't covered,
On the ash-tray in the wide hall,
Twisted on the papered white wall

What a big black fly!
Such a big damned fly!


Money-seeking was a mess,
And the Fly has come to death.

* * *


Brandy, brandy,
On Sunday and Wednesday!

Soup! Cabbage soup!

Kvass, kvass,
God, mercy us!

Soup! Cabbage soup!

Odino, popino,
Rekeke, remino,
Ilume, bylume,
Tzwibky, bipky,
Cutzurubki, kletz!

Черт Иваныч, молчком-торчком!
Черт Иваныч, молчком-торчком!

Devil-wight, devil-wight,
Quit your feet to rattle!
Devil-wight, devil-wight,
Put aside your tail!
Devil-wight, devil-wight,
Hey you, horny devil!
Get your snout off the hoof
To stop this fairy-tale!

* * *


Money rules the world of people.
Only money leads the ways.
If you have another idol
You will lose the whole race.

Earlier, I heard, the beggars
Died for metal. Oh, my dear!
Outwore their shoes in Mecca
Looking for their strange ideal.

Our times are not for weaklings.
Not for eggheads with their shortsight.
Women never take their weakness
Even if they're pretty fly.

Want to live? Be spry and nimble.
Cannot? Find yourself in dump.
Say good-bye to your pink childhood,
Don't be sorry, go to front.

Ref: Froglet! To front!

By the way my name is Gena,
That is Master in Ivrit
And my uncle is your header.
Life in clover! What a treat!

He's an old man, Borukh Froglet.
Everybody knows this cheat:
In the Galaxy Committee
He's the first who won the seat.


As for me with his protection
I will make a good career.
Fuck your pig-sty research centre!
I will stay no longer here.

I am blessed with uncle's glory.
He is mighty, strong and mean.
Who's exchanged an oscillator
For two packs of margarine?

* * *


Ich bin Ihr personlich computer.
Allein zu Skandinawien Wald
Ich see durch Sie, parasiten,
Und verwandle bald in asfalt!

Unter Flagge der Welt Kommission
Recht lange aussenden mein Stab
Vorladungen mit gross tucke Fuchs
Und tausend euro ein Strafe!

Das ist Computer.
Uber Welt.

Verletzt die Bewegungordnung,
Kostenfrei betritt toilette,
Ubersprang den zaun nicht richtig,
Falsch zeigte ein fahrkarte,
Nicht so im Restaurant bezahlte,
Das Auto stellte nicht dort,
Bei allen fiel auf bananen,
Im Theater nieste - Schmach! Schimpf!

Das ist Computer.
Uber Welt.

Nicht richtig las den Zeiger,
Kotzte das fremde Flugzeug -
Fur dich, kein fleissiger Kerl,
Kommt ein Brief aus Stockholm!

Schon kannst du da sicher sein
Unter der Schwedischen Eisenknute
Bezahlst du zehnhundert Mal mehr
Und vise verlierst du dabai!

Das ist Computer.
Uber Welt.

Und kann das Gelingen sein moglich -
Inmitten dem preis reduziert
Im gross Supermarket als Reste
Viele schone Geschenke man gibt!

* * *

Canned Food Tins.

The tins of canned food, that were emptied,
No matter, you're out of use!
But in skilled household and careful
Second life will be given to you!

All you need is a proper tap-washing
And sharp edges be smoothed by the file,
Then a lot of good things and useful
May be put in that tin for a while!

Maybe screwnuts or screws if you want it,
Maybe pins, maybe clips, maybe pipes,
Also nails are welcomed and washers
And the drills, and the pens, and the knives!

* * *



* * *

The City.

Distant that land, which I arrived from,
They call "Siberia" among all you - kikes!
The greatness of spirit can't realize you -
One have to live here for much longer time.

In distant that land, where I do come from,
Pine-trees scrap the skies with there huge branches,
Rivers-the-giants are flowing northwards
Between the great valleys and cliffs.

Hey, give me! Give me a fiver!
Make a money-help.

The coast of Ob sea is here and places,
Where the strong'n'brave men concentrated,
Each one's worth his great homeland,
All of them Men with a capital "M"!

Hey, give me! Give me a fiver!

Stands the city of mine on five hills!
On five...
Fiver. Give me! Give me a fiver!
I saw - you have it!!!

Give me a fiver. Hey you! Stop greeding!
Give me something... Sunglasses! Give me your sunglasses.
Matches? Just a moment - I'll fetch them! ...
Give me! Stop greeding!
Make a money-help! Give me a fiver!...

These two euros I take as a gift.

* * *


Sasha! Sasha! Sasha! Sasha!
Look - this is our chairman!
Rat of the rats, muzzle of tatar!
I am - woman of Russia -
Live among rats...

 Scum! Filth! Trash! Crap!

And you, Tamara, know!
Sasha! Sasha!

You ain't got enough,
You still wanna know,
You - bitch of a woman,
Cheap dirty slut!
 Scum! Filth! Trash! Crap!
But I come from the nineteenth century!

Senka Mosgaz!

Nice picture - Peter the First on a horse!
Do you know, where the bread grows?
First by train, and then by car?
Piss off, skinny rat! I'll beat you!
Sasha! Sasha!

I wish I had two such guys in my crew!

Dear boys, dear boys, what should I do with you?
Guys! Such handsome guys!
Guys! Such handsome guys!
Mother, could you imagine,
How I miss the lithuanian bread?!

Senka Mosgaz!

Sasha! Sasha!
The most impudent, exceedingly gobbling,
Swimming in luxury
Gang of tatars!

* * *


Asshole! (multiple repeats)
Khe-khe! Balls-washing!

* * *

Brute of a Rap

Well, here's a man from a business-trip.He comes home, and the first thing he sees - a pair of enormous boots standing at the door! He enters the room and discovers a huge overjacket hanging on two chairs! He runs to the bedroom then and sees a monstrous-size negro lying on his wife! What to do? The man hurries to the kitchen, grabs a frying-pan, runs back into the bedroom and hits the negro right on the ass with it! And that negro turns his head and says: "O'K! I've got it inside!"

Well, once a russian, a german and a french bet on - who could refrain from shitting longer! So, they put them into 3-storeyed building : the russian on the ground-floor, the french - on the first, and the german - on the second. A week passed... The german couldn't stand anymore! So, he made a hole in the floor and shitted himself out into it! The french saw this shit and did the same! The Commission came to examine them. The german's room is clean. The french's is clean but stinky. They came down to the russian's door and knoked at it - silence! They shouted:"Hey! Open up!" And the voice came from behind the door: "Wait! I'm just swimming up!"

- Fantomas, beware! Flying Dick is on the air!
- Ha! Ha! Ha! ...Um, um, um.....

Misha comes to Grisha and says: "Look, they've found a speaking well!" - "Really?" -"Sure! Let's check it! Come on!" So, they came to that well, Misha put his head into the well's opening and shouted: "In the night who's always sick?!" And the well answers: "Dick! ..Dick!.. Dick!" Misha shouted again: " Who's been fucked by elephant?!" The well answers: "Cunt!... Cunt!... Cunt!" Grisha says:" Let me try" and shouts: "Who's stolen our party due?" The well answers: "You!... You!... You!' "Great!" Grisha said "This well knows everything! Bury it to fucking hell!!"


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